


Cause I know that it's Delicate

by Fionakevin073



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Beware Spoilers, F/M, Gray Rey, Renperor, Rey says yes, Reylo - Freeform, TLJ Spoilers, conflicted - Freeform, slightly OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 07:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13290006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fionakevin073/pseuds/Fionakevin073
Summary: Her eyes meet his and she refuses to back down. If she’s going to do this— if they’re going to do this and rule together, it’s only going to happen if he lets them live.And he knows this as well as she.“Alright,” he murmurs finally, “Alright.”Rey takes his hand.-Or: where Rey makes a different choice.





	Cause I know that it's Delicate

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Hello people! This is my first star wars fic ever! I watched the Last Jedi on the 15th and am kinda fucking in love with it. I ship reylo more than I thought I ever would and am pleasantly surprised by how much undeniable romantic tension there was in this movie between them. Seriously. I thought I imagined a romantic connection between the two in TFA. Anyway, I hope u guys enjoy this. Thanks for reading. Please review! 
> 
> Until next time,   
> FionaKevin073

_Is it cool that I said all that? Is it cool that you’re in my head? Cause I know that it’s delicate— Taylor Swift, ‘Delicate’_

 

i. 

 

“You’re nothing,” he tells her, his voice strong yet pleading. 

 

Rey closes her eyes as tears slip down her cheek. 

 

“But not to me.” 

 

At that, her eyes open abruptly, a few more tears slipping down her face as she stares at his outstretched hand. She can hear blasters going off in the distance— can hear the rebel ships being blown up in the distance as her gaze moves around the room, her eyes lingering on the dead bodies. 

 

“Don’t do this,” she whispers, meeting his eyes once more. Her heart is breaking in her chest as she pleads with him, begs him not to fail her. Not to let her down. Not to leave. “Ben, please don’t go this way.” 

 

They stare at each other; the future hanging between them, fingertips apart. 

 

“The resistance will fail,” he begins, his tone sympathetic, as though he does not wish to hurt her. “And your friends will die. The Republic has fallen and all hope that it will be restored will die with it. I want to create a different future for the galaxy.” Rey trembles as she stands in front of him, wincing as she hears yet another ship explode. 

 

His gaze softens as he stares at her, his hand still outstretched. 

 

“I want _us_ to create a new galaxy together. You and me. Equals in every way.” 

 

_Equals._

 

_Balance._

 

Rey gasps quietly at his words, her hands tightening as she pictures Finn’s face in her mind. She thinks of him— of Leia, Han, Luke and Chewie. She pictures all of them on those ships, their bodies burning as flames engulf them. She thinks of all the destruction in the galaxy because of this war; thinks of all the death and misery and suffering. 

 

She thinks of how her heart is breaking because she knows in that moment that he won’t join her. 

 

But what breaks her heart the most is that she won’t kill him. 

 

She doesn’t want to. 

 

Not now. 

 

“The Jedi way never worked, the republic never worked.” His voice is low, alluring, his mind is probing into hers, not violently or forcefully, but gently. As though she is someone he _loved._ A sob climbs in her throat as she meets his eyes again, blinking rapidly. 

 

“You’re not going to turn are you?” 

 

He doesn’t answer. 

 

She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and imagines the force in front of her. She remembers her training with Luke; remembers the light and the dark. She feels the light wrap her in its arms, warming her, protecting her but the dark side never truly fades. 

 

After all, you can’t have light without darkness and you can’t have darkness without light.

 

_There’s a balance._

 

_Balance._

 

She isn’t quite sure who says it but the word vibrates through her, causing her muscles to tighten. 

 

“A balance,” she murmurs, opening her eyes. 

 

And in that moment, Rey has made up her mind. 

 

“A balance,” she repeats, meeting his gaze forcefully, “There must be a balance.” 

 

He blinks; once, twice, his eyes revealing nothing. 

 

“But you’ll join me.” 

 

It isn’t necessarily a question. 

 

Her heart weighs heavily in her chest as she glances out the window quickly, her heartbeat quickening as she watches the ships slowly disappear. 

 

“I’ll join you,” she says finally, feeling his body relax, “But you’ll let them live.” 

 

His euphoria is stopped the moment the words leave her lips. 

 

Her eyes meet his and she refuses to back down. If she’s going to do this— if they’re going to do this and rule together, it’s only going to happen if he lets them live. 

 

And he knows this as well as she. 

 

“Alright,” he murmurs finally, “Alright.” 

 

Rey takes his hand. 

 

ii. 

 

No one quite knows what to do with her. 

 

The fighting is almost over, with the remaining Rebels being captured and under surveillance by the First— the _Order._ Rey had it renamed immediately after they had exited the throne room, hands laced together. 

 

Empress, they call her now. The Stormtroopers, the Generals, the Captains, the Rebels, though the latter does so with undertones of hatred, mistrust and confusion. 

 

She’s walking, quite literally, in the middle of the everything. 

 

The Rebels refuse to see her and she can’t find it within herself to go see Finn. 

 

She won’t. 

 

So she wonders around the ship— The Supremacy— and explores. She memorises where everything is; from the training rooms to the freshers. But for the most part, Rey stays in the rooms Ben had given her. Staring at the dark, grey walls that held no warmth and felt more like a prison cell than a home. 

 

She has no idea what she’s doing. 

 

This goes on for about a week before she finally forces herself to enter the throne room. Her heart beats rapidly in her chest as she takes the large room in, the black floors glistening, as though they had been recently cleaned. There is no evidence of the violence that had taken place a few days prior; no blood, no scratches, nothing. 

 

Everything was the same. 

 

Except for the missing throne. Rey frowns at the sight, confusion stirring within her as— 

 

“I’m getting a new one made for you.” 

 

Ben’s voice cuts through the room like a knife, causing her to shiver. Rey turns around to look at him, taking in the faint circles under his eyes and the new scar at the edge of his chin that hadn’t been there before. 

 

She doesn’t say anything as she turns to look at the empty space where the throne should be. 

 

“For us, I should say,” he continues, moving towards her so that their shoulders brush. Rey breathes in sharply at the contact, the Force stirring between them like electricity. “In other star systems where there were monarchies, the King had the largest throne at the top of a set of stairs and the Queen had a smaller throne slightly below his, to symbolise her lower status.” 

 

She can _feel_ his eyes on the side of her face, urging her to look at him. 

 

Rey does not budge. 

 

“That won’t be us. I don’t want that to be us. I meant what I said when I told you I wanted us to be equals. Equal rulers, equals in the force—“ 

 

“I won’t turn to the dark side,” she interrupts forcefully, leaving no room for argument. He observes her carefully and there’s something in his eyes that she can’t quite place. Something that takes her breath away and scares her all at once. His lips curl slightly at her words but he doesn’t refute her, doesn’t attempt to dispute her claims. He merely stays silent. 

 

Rey tries her best not to take it as a challenge. 

 

iii. 

 

It still doesn’t feel real. 

 

Rey attends meetings and issues orders but it still feels like a dream. 

 

Weeks pass and there countless meetings with Rebel officials as treaties are signed but she’s lost. Just as lost as she was on Jakku. Her training has continued— which mostly consisted of her levitating small objects in her room for long durations— but she doesn’t understand. Rey doesn’t know much about economics or historical treaties— kriff, she can’t even read all that well. 

 

But while Rey doesn’t know much about all those things, she does know about suffering. Injustice. Death. Hunger. Slavery. She _knows_ that like she does the back of her hand. Suffering is in her bones. And that is why, exactly four weeks after she joined Kylo, she finally speaks up in one of those meetings. 

 

Hux is talking— as he likes to do— and he mentions something about making a treaty with the Plutt’s and the other slavers and suddenly something within her snaps. 

 

“No!” she exclaims from where she sits on top of her throne, “No. No slavers. No slavery.” 

 

Hux frowns at her, his pale features twisting with annoyance as he glares at her before redirecting his gaze to Ben, who is looking at her intently. “Supreme Leader,” the red haired general begins, “We will gain valuable resources from them as well as workers—“ 

 

“Not a chance in hell,” Rey growls, her hands tightening around the arms of her throne, “The Order will not tolerate slavery in _any_ form. The war is over, the rebel alliance has been captured and peace treaties have been signed. If anything, we should be stopping these slavers and smugglers, not joining them.” 

 

His eyes grow enraged as he snarls, “What would you know scavenger—“ 

 

She can feel Ben’s anger rise as Hux abruptly stops talking, clutching at his throat as his air supply is cut off. “That’s enough,” she snaps at him, anger warming her blood and making her face grow flushed. She rises from her sitting position and stares at the wheezing general, waiting for him to get his breath back before she starts talking. 

 

“Slavery is not to be tolerated. The Order _will_ capture and sufficiently punish anyone who has been involved with slavery in any capacity and we will most definitely _not_ ally with them. That is not what the Order stands for. It is not what I, your Empress stands for.” Her muscles tighten as she finishes her last sentence, rage building within her as she slips closer and closer to the dark side. 

 

General Hux nods at her as he scrambles to his feet, his eyes downcast. 

 

Rey breathes in and out deeply as she slowly but surely feels her rage begin to die. She sits down again and lets out a deep breath, feeling herself begin to calm. She feels a soothing presence around her, like a cool breeze in the middle of a hot day. She lifts her head to look at Ben, the bond between them humming with pleasure at the contact. She doesn’t say anything because she doesn’t have to. _You’re not alone._ The softness in his eyes is fleeting and he looks away from her to stare coldly at Hux. 

 

“You will never refer to her as anything other than Empress again.” 

 

It’s as much as a threat as it is a warning. 

 

When Hux leaves, Rey lets her fingers brush against Ben’s. 

 

She tries not to notice his surprise. 

 

iv. 

 

Slavery is abolished. 

 

Children are freed. 

 

Slavers are punished. 

 

This happens in the course of a month and a half. 

 

Rey still doesn’t go see Finn. 

 

Rey builds orphanages and schools and homes. She spends hours upon hours planning and rationing and greeting and _ruling._ She doesn’t train all that much, too absorbed in her work to do anything too rigorous. 

 

This changes when she is attacked. 

 

One moment, Rey is watching children playing in the school’s playground and then blasters are going off, screams erupting in the air. One grazes her shoulder, causing her to hiss in pain and suddenly  she’s being tackled to the ground by her assailant before she can reach for her lightsaber. Her head is slammed into the ground; once, twice, before she bites him, slapping her with all of her might. 

 

He’s being lifted off of her before she can even scramble to her feet. 

 

It’s all a blur after that but Rey knows she’s being shoved onto a ship and she’s aware of what is happening when Ben enters the medbay, his eyes blazing. She can feel the rage within him roar when he notices the wound on her arm and she dismisses the droid with a curt nod, leaving them alone in the room. 

 

“You could have been killed.” 

 

His voice is stiff, his shoulders tight with tension as he avoids looking into her eyes. 

 

“I wasn’t.” 

 

She’s so tired. 

 

“Are the children alright?” 

 

His anger flares again as he nods impatiently, “They’re fine. No one else was injured. They were primarily targeting you.” 

 

She lifts her eyes from the ground so that she’s staring at him. 

 

“Who were they? Who tackled me?” 

 

“Rebel spies.” His words cut deeply, causing her to wince. She knew the Rebels were angry with her, but to. . . . She couldn’t think about it. Rey’s eyes begin to well with tears when she thinks about Finn, Chewie and Leia, whom she had not seen or talked to. She knew they were fine; she got daily reports from Stormtroopers and guards but she hadn’t gone to _see_ any of the rebels on any of the fleet. _They must hate me,_ she thinks sadly, rubbing at her eyes as she tries to blink away her tears. 

 

She’s startled when she feels him hug her gently, his chin on the top of her head as she curls up against him, a small sob escaping her throat. His touch is gentle yet firm, his warmth spreading over her like wildfire. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her head against his chest, eager for comfort. 

 

For touch. 

 

“We’ll complete your training,” he tells her, his fingers stroking her hair, “and double your guard.” She pulls back slightly, murmuring, “Ben. . .” 

 

His hands move down to grip her shoulders tightly as he stares into her eyes, his brown orbs full of emotion. “I won’t lose you.” Her breath hitches at his words. She can’t breathe. “I won’t.” It’s both a warning and a promise in one. “I have no intention of ever outliving you.” The bond purrs and hums around them, drawing them impossibly close. 

 

She doesn’t have to say anything. 

 

_You’re not alone._

 

v. 

 

They train. 

 

Everyday for at least two hours. 

 

She grows and expands and the force floods through her like never before. Light blossoms and dark lingers and even if Ben loathes to admit it, there is _balance._

 

But there’s something else too. 

 

Something else that has begun to grow between them. 

 

It’s a heat that wasn’t there before; a hunger that causes her to crave his touch in the night. A craving that makes her feel his presence beside her from his chambers across from hers. The ghost of his touch is tattoed on her skin. And it isn’t like before, when they could keep it between them. It’s noticeable now. His hand lingers on her shoulders for a few moments too long in meetings and within a week of training Rey has to stop one of the droids from moving her belongings into Ben’s chambers. 

 

It’s ridiculous. 

 

It all comes to a head when: 

 

They’re fighting. Not actually fighting of course, but training. 

 

Rey ducks the hit and stumbles slightly, trying to avoid his blows. She dashes and ducks again and tries to keep her feet light and her mind aware, just like he taught her. _One two duck—_ she rolls over expertly before she’s back on her feet, her breathing heavy. _Three four—_ their wooden training swords clash loudly as she grits her teeth, pressing against his sparring sword with all her might. Rey breathes in deeply and calls on the strength within that she knows is there. And it isn’t anger or darkness but it’s there and she pushes and suddenly he’s stumbling a few feet back as she calls for his training sword, which automatically flies into her hands. 

 

She giggles at the disgruntled look on his face, her cheeks flushing happily as she twirls the hilt of the weapons in her hands. She’s almost tempted to stick out her tongue at him, but before she can even attempt to do so, her legs are being swept out from under her and she falls to the floor with an ungraceful _kriff._

 

She groans loudly and avoids his gaze when she sees him hovering over her, a slight smirk playing on his lips as he takes in her taken aback expression. “Not fair,” she grumbles, already feeling a bruise begin to swell on her back. “War isn’t fair,” he retorts but there’s a lightness in his eyes that hasn’t been there— ever. This is Ben not Kylo Ren, and the realisation makes her smile. _Two can play that game,_ she thinks mischievously and uses the force to push him over. She pushes a little too hard however, and instead of him stumbling he falls on top of her, though his elbows cushion his fall at the side of her head so he doesn’t crush her. 

 

She laughs loudly at the expression on his face, not truly understanding their position. His body is hovering over her; the space between them a few inches, nothing more. His heat radiates through her, warming her even more. She can smell him. “Rey.” His voice washes over her and sends a tingle up her spine. He leans his head down so that their noses touch and Rey feels so _safe_ she— 

 

“Ben,” she whispers back, looking into a sea of brown. 

 

Their lips touch; gently, slowly and— 

 

The bond has never been more present. 

 

vi. 

 

Days pass. 

 

They spend the days in each other’s company and nights together. 

 

The bond between them grows and thickens so greatly she knows where he is whenever. As though there is some invisible rope linking the two of them together, forever. The prospect is both terrifying and thrilling. 

 

“Close your eyes,” Ben tells her, nuzzling his face into neck from where he stands behind her. “Why?’ she asks, leaning back against him. “I have a surprise for you.” Rey smiles warmly and closes her eyes, feeling him move away from her, the loss of warmth immediate and unpleasant. Something is placed in her hands. Something hard and unfamiliar. 

 

“Open your eyes.” 

 

Rey stares down at the foreign object in her hands. It’s small, weirdly shaped and looks as though it were made of glass. Like a crystal. 

 

Crystal. 

 

“A Kyber Crystal,” she gasps, her heart quickening with excitement, “You got me a Kyber Crystal.” His lips slide upwards and if it were anyone else she’d think that they were smirking, but on him, she recognises it for what it really is; a smile. 

 

“It is time for you to build your own lightsaber,” he tells her, his brown eyes unusually warm. Rey beams at him and throws her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you!” she exclaims, burying her face into his shoulder, “thank you.” His arms wrap around her waist hesitantly and she can feel his force signature flow into hers. He feeds off her light, just as she breathes in his darkness. 

 

And for the first time in ages—perhaps the first time ever— Rey feels as though she truly belongs. 

 

But building a lightsaber is harder than she had ever anticipated. She tries and tries for hours on end and to no avail. Sometimes, she takes out Anakin’s lightsaber and traces its design. Sometimes she simply holds it for hours, taking in the blue, beaming light and in the deepest throws of her frustration she swears she doesn’t even need a new lightsaber. 

 

But she knows that isn’t true. 

 

While this lightsaber signifies so much for her it is not truly _hers._ While it may have called out to her before, it doesn’t now. The voice is silent, as though its questions have been answered. As though it were finally at peace. 

 

She finally comes to a head a week after she obtains the crystal and the build of the lightsaber is simple, the hilt mirroring that of Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber. But when she activates the saber for the first time the force bellows within her, ecstatic that she finally has a weapon that is truly _hers._ She doesn’t know what she expects the colour to be. She doesn’t know what she _wants_ the colour to be. It switches from a deep blue to a startling orange that reminds her of Jakku but before she can even blink it deepens into a deep, menacing red that is reminiscent of Ben’s. _No,_ she thinks, her insides twisting at the colour, _that’s not me._ The colour stays there for a moment before it slowly fades into a solid, unwavering grey. 

 

Rey exhales at the sight, the tension leaving her body as she takes the colour in. It is the colour of clouds after a rain storm. It signifies the darkness that has just left and the light that has yet to arrive. It symbolises balance. 

 

And later, when she shows her lightsaber to Ben, she can’t help but think that he thinks the same thing. 

 

vii. 

 

Rey visits Finn. 

 

She isn’t sure what she’s expecting when she arrives at his cell and there’s a part of her that doesn’t ever want to face him. 

 

But she does. 

 

She’s in the room for a whole three seconds before he barrels into her arms, enveloping her in a tight hug. “Rey,” he breathes, his body vibrating with adrenaline. Rey gasps his name loudly, wrapping her arms around him as she lets a flood of relief wash over her. _He doesn’t hate me._ “You’re okay,” he says disbelieving and for one moment he is her first friend again and she is the girl who just escaped from Jakku, starving for companionship— hungry for anything or anyone that would make her belong. 

 

Finn pulls away from her eventually, his eyes wide as words tumble out of his mouth. 

 

“The resistance— Rey, they said that you— I didn’t believe it. I was on here with Rose when you first came onto the ship— Apparently you’re an Empress now, you’re with him but I know you have a plan right? You do have a plan?” 

 

It’s with a sinking heart that Rey realises that Finn refuses to believe the truth. A lump develops in her throat as she notices the girl in the bed next to his— Rose— and suddenly she can’t meet his eyes. 

 

“No.” The word is torn out of his mouth; horrified, in-denial. 

 

“No.” 

 

“Tell me you didn’t. Rey, please tell me you didn’t join _him._ ”

 

Rey inhales. 

 

Rey exhales. 

 

It takes her a moment to find her strength. 

 

She lifts her eyes to meet his and forces the wetness in her eyes to disappear. 

 

“There has to be balance Finn.” Her voice is quiet but strong as she urges him to understand. “There needs to be balance in the Force. Light can’t exist without darkness and darkness can’t exist without light. If there is balance then—“ 

 

“Balance isn’t getting into bed with a murderous psychopath!” 

 

Rey refuses to flinch at the accusation, though her insides churn with shame. 

 

“So many would have died,” she says finally, “The Resistance was being gunned down— Snoke was dead. I—I just wanted it all to end. The suffering, the pain, all of it.” She’s tempted to point out the good the Order has done since she decided to stay, the peace that has begun to settle but she knows that would just be putting salt in the wound. 

 

“Don’t.” 

 

This doesn’t come from Finn but from the girl behind him. Though her features are small and delicate the look she gives Rey is anything but. 

 

“Don’t pretend you did this for everyone else. Maybe part of your decision was your desire to stop the war and prevent millions from dying— maybe you knew something that we don’t. Maybe you think that you can control him and stop him from being the monster that he is but don’t pretend for just one second that you didn’t do this for yourself. I know your story, Rey, I know your loneliness. And I know that when he offered you the galaxy you didn’t see it as an offer of power, you saw it as an offer to belong.” 

 

Rose tilts her head and her eyes widen as though she realises something. 

 

“You did it because you have compassion for him. Because you didn’t want him to be alone. And because you love him and because he loves you.” 

 

“Enough,” Rey snaps, shaken as she takes a step back. She glances at Finn fleetingly, but he isn’t looking at her. “I’m sorry,” she says, right before the doors open, “I never meant to hurt you.” 

 

And then she’s gone. 

 

viii. 

 

When Ben finds her, she’s lying on the floor in the middle of her chambers. Her hair is loose and her face is wet with tears. His concern is immediate and overwhelming as she detects it through the bond, though it only makes her feel more nauseous. 

 

“You saw FN-2187 today.” 

 

It isn’t a question. 

 

Rey doesn’t answer. 

 

He hates Finn. Rey knows this and yet he attempts to comfort her anyway. 

 

“I’m sorry that he. . . hurt you,” he awkwardly says, standing over her, “Please get up from the floor.” 

 

Rey stomach tightens at the concern in his voice and her mind flashes to Rose’s words from before _because you love him and because he loves you._ The memory is too loud and painful for her to shield it away, and she feels Ben stiffen as the memory flutters through his mind. 

 

Rey clambers to her feet, her head throbbing at the sudden movement. She ignores his gaze as she brushes past him, eager to escape his company as quickly as possible. 

 

“She was right,” she says finally, her back to him. “I chose to stay because I was selfish. Because I gave in.” _To the dark side. To you._ “There is no balance.” 

 

She can feel something grow inside of him, some emotion that makes her muscles tense and her jaw tighten. “You know the truth,” he tells her, “I have never hidden the truth from you. I gave you a choice and you made a decision off your own free will. You have been happy here.” _With me,_ he doesn’t say. 

 

It only serves to make her angrier. 

 

“Well I shouldn’t be!” she snaps loudly, whirling around to face him. “I should be running as far away from you as I can. I should be with the resistance— Kriff, there should still be a resistance. We should be enemies! You tortured me, my friends, killed your father and yet here I am sliding into bed with you and being your who—“ 

 

She stops suddenly, her face red with anger. 

 

“My what?” 

 

His voice is low and deadly. 

 

“ _What_ exactly are you being?”

 

“Your whore,” she says finally, stubbornly meeting his furious gaze. 

 

And he snaps so suddenly all the objects in the room shake. 

 

“You’re my equal!” he bellows, “You’re my Empress— my partner, my lover— my wife, in everything but name. I never _forced_ you to choose this! I have trained you, guided you and yet you still continue to hold onto the past! Let go!” 

 

His voice isn’t as angry as it was when he continues, but there is still an edge to it that makes her body tighten. “You’ve seen all the progress we’ve made. You have been a vital part of it.” It’s like he’s accusing of her something— of hypocrisy. 

 

And despite how angry Rey is with him she knows that on some level he is right. She _did_ choose to stay; she didn’t have to but she did. She became the Empress and renamed the order and signed treaties and sat in a throne for weeks out of her own free will. 

 

“Don’t punish me because you fail to meet the standards of those who claim to know you, and yet are surprised and disgusted when you embrace parts of yourself that you didn’t even know existed.” His eyes are almost cruel as his gaze probes into her, and suddenly he’s standing right in front of her, their noses almost touching. 

 

“I’m a monster. You know this. You told me this. Murderous snake, you once called me.” 

 

Rey breathes shakily, her eyes piercing with tears. 

 

“I thought I could save you,” she confesses, “I thought you’d change your mind. I thought that I could control you, stop you from being so dark. I hoped you’d become Ben again. The Ben you were with me.”

 

The words echo through her mind. 

 

_You’re not alone._

 

He sneers at her; cruel and hurt all at once. 

 

“You’re alone now.” 

 

The words cut deeper than any lightsaber could. 

 

And like that, in an instant, Ben becomes Kylo Ren once more.

 

ix. 

 

They don’t talk to each other for a week. 

 

Sure, there are the curt words of acknowledgement when they are forced to be together for appearance sake, but other than that they avoid each other. Rey does not talk to him  and he does not reach out to her. 

 

The bond hangs heavy between them, mournful and desperate to be acknowledged but Rey ignores it. Grits her teeth and shoves any regret she feels far away. Yet again, she has no idea what she’s doing. 

 

For the most part, Rey remains alone. 

 

The loneliness she experienced on Jakku was different to what she feels now. On Jakku, Rey had never experienced belonging, she had always been alone, friendless, without anyone. But now, Rey has experienced friendship, desire, belonging and it has disappeared because of her own actions. Ben—Kylo, has retreated from her. His side of the bond is firmly shut and his eyes never meet hers for more than a second. But there are moments, flashing, fleeting moments in the darkest time of night where she feels his defences slightly lower, and the wave of hurt, confusion and anger she’s caused him knaw at her. 

 

But she thinks also of Finn too. Thinks of her friend and Leia and Chewie. Thinks of them in the various rooms they’ve been kept in over the past few months, hopping from ship to ship like the prisoners they were. She’s at war with herself. Shame and defiance battle in her mind as she struggles to find herself through this mess she’s created. 

 

_You’re not a darksider—_

 

_You let them all down—_

 

_You’re a monster—_

 

_Han—_

 

_You’re selfish. You enjoy all of this, the power, the title, him—_

 

_The light is calling you Rey, return to Luke—_

 

_I freed people, saved children— gave them a home—_

 

_You did it to sooth your conscience, not because you care! You’re a dictator, a tyrant, a slaver. No better than Snoke—_

 

_Is it so bad to want to belong? Is it so bad to be with the one person who made you feel like you were never really alone?_

 

All of these questions and yet Rey has no answers. 

 

x. 

 

A meeting is organised with the Rebels and the Order, with Leia pleading for an audience with the Emperor and Empress. 

 

Rey tries to hide away her shock at the news and glances at Kylo—Ben, her heart whispers— from the corner of her eye. He doesn’t look at her. Rey glances down at her lap, her fingers playing with the fabric of her dress. It’s a simple grey gown, practical and easy to manoeuvre in, since it isn’t tight or confining. Her hair has separated into two delicate braids that begin from the top of her head and end causes the braid to end on her shoulder. 

 

She is a far cry from the girl she was on Jakku and she knows it. 

 

Rey exhales shakily before steeling her gaze as a group of rebels are brought into the room. It hurts to see Leia after so long and she can feel Kylo’s unease through the force. She’s tempted to look at him, but she knows somehow that he doesn’t want that. 

 

The exchange is terse and filled with passive aggressiveness yet Rey stays silent. She tries to ignore Leia’s stare; tries to ignore the shame that blossoms through her at the disappointment in her eyes. Yet there is also an unease in her bones that makes her view everything they say with suspicion. They’re bartering for a sentence for their troops— asking that some be released and pardoned, that they be allowed to return to their families. 

 

“They don’t have anything to do with it,” Leia says firmly, “You have the leaders of the rebellion. The symbols of the hope the resistance used to bring. Let the soldiers go.” 

 

There’s a beat before— 

 

“Fine.” 

 

It doesn’t come from her. 

 

Rey’s mouth is agape for a split second— 

 

“What?” she whispers furiously, shock thrumming through her veins. 

 

Kylo—Ben, ignores her and dismisses the prisoners with a flick of his wrist. 

 

“What are you doing?” she protests, as he begins to walk down the steps that elevate their thrones. “You can’t just make these decisions without me! Why would you even—“ She’s interrupted by him sharply turning around to face her, his expression stormy. And yet— yet Rey can feels his emotions overwhelm him, and his firm grip on the bond shatters as she takes in his urgency, his desperation for her to— 

 

Rey’s anger instantly dissipates as she realises that he’s doing this for. That despite his anger at her, he doesn’t want her to be in pain and— 

 

He doesn’t want to be a monster in her eyes. 

 

“Ben,” she says softly, her heart swelling in her chest as she moves towards him, something soft and warm spreading through her chest. “Ben.” Her hand moves to the side of his cheek to rest there tenderly but the moment is gone before it even truly begins and he leaves her there as her heart shatters in a million pieces. 

 

From then on it is a series of negotiations and agreements and orders as the Resistance offers the names of their bases and armies in return for the release of their soldiers— under certain conditions of course. And before Rey knows it, they’ve gathered about 100 resistance soldiers in the hanger of the Supremacy, Stormtroopers standing guard. Rey walks beside Ben as the soldiers stare at her, whispers echoing in the room as they see her as Rey, the Empress for the first time. 

 

But there’s something there. Some tension in Rey’s bones that has kept her awake for days. Something that sets her on edge. She breathes in and feels for Ben through the Force, and finds no sign of a similar mistrust. She meets Leia’s eyes as they walk past her and there is a flicker of something in her eyes— something in the Force that makes her insides clench. There isn’t hatred in Leia’s eyes. For the most part her brown orbs reveal nothing, but there is a sliver of sympathy, agony 

and resignation that shines in her eyes as they stare at each other. 

 

Rey looks around the room— the hanger, she should say and she sees several resistance soldiers with their heads bowed, resigned to their fate. They’re all relatively calm despite their fear and nervousness but there’s something that— 

 

Rey’s eyes widen as a man steps forward, a roar in his throat and a knife in his hand as he lunges towards Ben, who is taken by surprise at the close range attack— 

 

The attacker is lifted into the air, clutching at his throat as— 

 

Rey keeps the man hanging in the air, her hand clenched in a tight fist as she uses the Force to clog his airway. Anger lurks within her— a deep rage that settles in her bones and makes her blood rage as the weapon in the man’s hands falls to the ground with a clatter. The room is loud with gasps and whispers as the Stormtroopers yell orders at the prisoners, their weapons at the ready but there is a focus on Rey, a tightness of breath as they observe their former ally dangle one of their own in the air like a puppet. 

 

A snarl curls on her lips as she watches the attacker’s face turn purple and the dark is strong in her now, delighting in the way the man chokes in pain because of her power. Her endless, consuming power that— 

 

Rey lets the man fall to the floor with a loud _smack._ Her chest heaves as the hanger grows silent, a look of horror and awe on everyone’s faces. “We show you mercy and you return the favour by trying to have your son killed.” This is directed at Leia, because Rey knows she was responsible for this. Somehow, someway. The dark within her growls and snarls at the older woman, calling for her to _kill kill kill_ as the image of Ben dying flashes through her mind with alarming detail. 

 

He could have died— 

 

She would have been alone— 

 

“Escort the General back to her cell,” she commands, before redirecting her attention to the man on the floor. “I could kill you right now,” she warns, the dark within her howls for her to do it, chants and begs and pleads for his blood to be on her hands, but there is a tug within her as her anger begins to dissipate. “But I won’t.” 

 

She stands there, trembling, as her darkness retreats into her mind, her heartbeat beginning to stabilise. Someone moves closer to her, a flash of darkness before Ben takes her hand in his, his thumb caressing her hand. 

 

_You’re not alone,_ his voice whispers in her head. 

 

And finally, Rey responds.

 

_Neither are you._

 

(Rey makes her choice that day— 

 

She doesn’t regret it) 

 

— 

 

_End._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
